'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

...and all through the kitchen, a vegan was cooking some dishes most bitchin'.


Actually, most of Christmas Eve was spent making vegetable trays & dip, running to the grocery store for last-minute ingredients (in shorts & a Santa hat), and almost being late for church because my hair takes almost 2 hours to curl. Next time I'm just going in my Santa hat & shorts. I'm sure Jesus will understand.


It wasn't until well into Christmas Day (after a mid-morning run in shorts and a Santa dress) that the kitchen escapades really began. My family does the big holiday meal and present-giving hoopla on Christmas Night, rather than the Eve or Morning of. It makes it easier for my sister and I to do things with our significant others' (if we have one that year) families, or to make the trek up to Cleveland.

The menu changes from year to year (this year found the omnivores eating chateaubriand, cheesypotatoes, and a puff-pastry covered creamy mushroom soup (from a Michael Anthony cooking class my mom took in HHI), but there are a few things that do not change, that have been a part of Christmas for as long as I can remember Christmas. Things like giant trays of a dozen different kinds of cookies, a two-tiered dish of homemade chocolates, drinking wine or sparkling juice from holly-decorated wine glasses, and Sausage Crackers.

When I was little, these little holiday delicacies were called "Cheesy Meat Breads." My mom made them up as an easy-to-eat, quick-to-prepare Christmas and New Year's Eve meal for my sister and I and they soon became a party staple. They were re-christened "Sausage Crackers" a few years ago after an unexpected snowstorm marooned a half-dozen of our friends at my parents' house the night before Christmas Eve and my mom needed something fast to feed us all.

Despite how easy they are to make, and how delicious everyone finds them, we only ever eat them during the holidays and only ever at my parents'. The HB, munching on some this past week, mentioned that he had had a taste for them over the summer but resisted the desire to make Sausage Crackers in August. "These things are sancrosanct," he said. And he was right. Somethings just taste better when eaten in the shadow of a 12-foot pine tree.

Sacrosanct Sausage Crackers
The first year of being a vegan is full of little moments of dawning realization, moments that usually go something like, "Shit! What am I going to eat on *insert holiday or family function here*?!" or "It's just not *holiday* without *certain type of food*!!" The thought of a Christmas/NYE without Sausage Crackers led me to one of my first successful veganizations. Below is the vegan recipe but feel free to make "Vintage Sausage Crackers" using ground beef, a tube of Bob Evans ground sausage, and a box of Velveeta.

Ingredients:
1 package (1 lb.) frozen "ground beef" style veggie crumbles
1 roll "sausage-style" veggie crumbles (in the refrigerator case of the health-food section of the grocery store usually)
1 package cheddar-flavor veggie cheese (soy-based cheeses melt better than rice ones)
1 loaf cocktail-sized rye or pumpernickel bread

To make:
Pre-heat the oven to "broil."
Place the cocktail breads in a single layer on baking pan. Set aside.
Thaw the frozen crumbles in a large frying pan or skillet, adding water if necessary and stirring often to keep the meat from sticking.
Add the sausage roll and mash up into the thawed crumbles.
(**Note: If you are using real meat, cook all of the above until it isn't raw. I have no idea how to cook meat, and as a vegan, take no responsibility for death or illness due to the consumption of under-cooked meat. End note**)
Add the cheese in small hunks, stirring often to distribute evenly. Turn the heat down to low and cover the pan, letting it sit for about 5-8 minutes until the cheese is fully melted.
Spoon the cheesy-meat mixture onto the cocktail breads. Place the tray under the broiler for about 5-10 minutes. You're not really trying to cook anything, just toast the breads up a little and brown the tops of the cheesy-meat.
Let cool and serve with the sense of solemnity due to such revered appetizer.

...and to all a good night.