Howl at the Moon

So, apparently, there was a blue moon this past New Year's Eve. According to Wikipedia (how did I know anything about anything before Wikipedia?) a blue moon can be one of several things, but more or less it refers to the 13th moon of a calendar year. Such a thing happens once in a while (once in a blue moon, if you will), since the solar year is eleven days longer than the lunar one.

What does this mean to you and me? Well, I'll tell you what it means, it means that there is one extra night of the year to be plagued by werewolves! Werewolves! Half-man, half-wolf (and half baby-faced angst machine if the movies are any indication). Werewolves are one of my favorite scary-movie monsters. I like the pervasiveness of the figure in almost every cultures' mythology. Shape-shifting, being able to act on animal instincts - I mean, what's not to like?

Though you may have known the fun facts mentioned above, what you may not know, friends & enemies, is that I am in the middle of writing a werewolf-themed novel. True story! Though you'll have to buy the hopefully-to-be-published-someday book to get all the juicy details, the gist of it is: an ex-cop-turned-veterinarian finds a werewolf one night and hijinks ensue. Awesome, right? Totally awesome.

So when I was brainstorming with my mom for ways to decorate the "Strawberry Shortbread Icicle" (a recipe I texted myself from the December 2009 issue of Better Homes & Garden while sitting in the dental hygenist's office), a cookie I was planning to veganize, and she suggested the silver-coated, hard-spun-sugar ballbearings, well, you can imagine my delight. I wasn't just baking. I was making Edible Werewolf Protection or EWP (patent pending)!!

There was just one problem, friends & enemies. Some states (California, for one) have prohibited the sale of these "dragees" citing dangerous levels of toxic metals. Seriously. Read the article and weep for the loss of both an important part of my childhood and a Christmas free of werewolves.

So if you don't happen to have a 20-year-old container of "Wilton's 100% Real Silver Dragees" hiding in your mother's basement, you'll have to find a black market dragee-dealer to run you some in from France (or possibly just order some on them Internets).

Dr. M's Guarantee-Pending, Anti-Werewolf Spearpoints & Throwing Stars

1 cup soy margarine, softened

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 cup strawberry preserves

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon ground pink peppercorns (see note)

2 2/3 cup white flour

Note: Pink peppercorns are not readily available in grocery stores. I found mine at Williams-Sonoma. They are also available through mail-order specialty-food stores like Dean&Deluca and probably Whole Foods, too. Flavor-wise, they're optional, but visually, pink peppercorns look just awesome. And I'm assuming werewolves don't like pepper anymore than my dog does.

Cream the butter and sugar together in a stand mixer. Add the preserves, pepper, and vanilla. Beat at a medium-high speed until all combined. Add the flour 1 cup or so at a time until the mix is dough. Chill for about half-hour, or until ready to roll.

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Roll the dough out to 1/4 inch thick. Using tart pans of varying sizes (I had a 4-inch one and a 9-inch one) cut out large circles of dough. Transfer to cookie sheets lined with parchment paper. Using a pizza cutter (or a fluted ravioli cutter), slice the larger circles into spearpoints. Don't separate. Using a star-shaped cookie cutter, make shurikens and place on seperate parchment-paper-lined cookie sheets. (Note: a single recipe of this dough makes about 4, 4-inch rounds; 1, 9-inch round; and a half-dozen or so throwing-stars). Brush the tops of the spearpoints and shurikens with rice milk and sprinkle with silver sugar crystals (my mom has a fairly stocked pantry as far as fighting mythical beasts go) and press silver dragees into the tips. Bake the cookies/weapons against the dark for 16 - 20 minutes. When the spearpoints come out, re-slice through them with the pizza/ravioli cutter to separate again. Let sit on the trays for 5 minutes before removing to wire racks to cool completely.

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Now, although I can't be positive, I'm pretty sure it was the plate full of spearpoints and throwing stars that allowed me celebrate New Year's Eve without any werewolf interference. I'll be able to say either way with more certainty when I make these again on the next full moon (January 20). Even without a guarantee, please, fans and detractors, feel free to whip up a batch in your neck of the woods and let me know how they work.