The Girl With The Most Cake

I walked into my office the other day at the tail end of a conversation between my friends JenC and Mrs. L. JenC was feeling guilty about having to tell the bosses of her various part-time jobs that she wouldn't be able to work any more than she already was.

"It is difficult being an artist with a part-time job," she explained. "Everyone seems to assume that since the artist's real work (writing/creating/composing) isn't a 9-to-5 thing, they will be available to work whenever and for however long." I was inclined to agree. When I worked at the liquor store, it seemed as though I was always the first one contacted when someone else called off or couldn't work.


"Still doesn't make it any easier to say no," replied Mrs. L.

"And speaking of guilt and saying no," I interjected, "the peices of cake currently sitting on your desks are the product of a particularly stressfull weekend, most of which could have been avoided had I just said no."


I won't bore you with the details, friends and enemies. Let's just say my cousin, The Wild Child, came to visit for the mud-soaked, drunken debacle that is 7fest; and instead of two teenaged girls spending the night in my apartment, I had five, all of whom were spoiled, entitled, loud-mouthed, well, for lack of a better word, bitches.


A direct quote from the morning after? "Sorry we f*cked your shit up last night." Oh, well, that completely makes up for the fact that I spent 6 hours Sunday scrubbing the muck and make-up residue from my bathroom, vacuuming up so much mud from the carpets Roomie had to take apart and clean the vacuum, emptying beer cans, and doing loads of muddy towels, sheets, and blankets.


To relieve the stress all this caused me, I baked the following cakes. According to JenC, the first one was more than enough to ease her guilt over not working overtime. The second one definitely helped me forget most of the weekend and my cousin's reprehensible behavior.

Banana Cake with Pineapple-Buttercream Frosting
“The Guilt-i-nator”

for the cake
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon of salt
1 stick (1/2 cup) vegan margarine
¼ cup vegan shortening
1 ½ cups sugar
3 very ripe bananas, smashed (about 1 cup)
½ cup unsweetened soy milk
2 eggs worth of Ener-G egg replacer
1 teaspoon vanilla

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour 2, 9-inch round cakes pans.
In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
Using a mixer, cream the butter, shortening, and sugar together in a large bowl. Add the bananas, egg replacer, milk, and vanilla. Beat at a medium speed until well-mixed and creamy.
With the mixer at low speed, add the dry ingredients to the wet in thirds, slowly increasing the mixer speed to high. Beat until very smooth and well-combined.
Divide the batter between the two greased pans. Give each one a few hard taps on the countertop to get rid of any bubbles.
Bake for about 20 minutes or until a knife stuck in the middle comes out clean. Let the cakes cool in the pans for about 10 minutes before turning out onto a rack. Let cool completely before frosting

for the frosting
1 stick vegan margarine (1/2 cup)
4 cups powdered sugar
1/3ish cups of fresh pineapple, pureed until very liquidy
½ teaspoon vanilla
yellow food coloring (optional)

Using the whisk attachment of a hand mixer, cream together the butter, vanilla, and two cups of powdered sugar.
Alternate adding the pineapple puree in thirds and the remaining powdered sugar. Don’t add too much pineapple or the frosting will be too liquidy.
Whisk in drops of yellow food coloring until the frosting is bright and pineapple-colored.
When the cakes are completely cool, smear a thick layer of the frosting on top of one of the layers. Place the other layer on top, and frost completely with an off-set spatula or knife.

Double-Chocolate-Blueberry Bundt Cake with Chocolate Ganache Frosting
“The Guilt Killer”

for the cake
2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
¾ cup canola oil
1 cup sugar
¼ cup soy yogurt
1 tablespoon ground flaxseeds
2 cups all-purpose flour
½ cup cocoa powder
1 tablespoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon salt
1 cup fresh blueberry puree (from about 1 ½ cups blueberries)
1 cup vegan “buttermilk” (see note)

for ganache
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate chopped
1/3 cup vegan “heavy cream” (see note)
½ tablespoon corn syrup
½ tablespoon vegan butter

Note: To make vegan buttermilk: Place 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in the bottom of a one-cup measuring cup. Fill the rest of the way with full-fat soy or almond milk (do not use rice milk or low-fat milks; neither curdle right). Let the milk sit while you prepare the rest of the recipe, then use as you would traditional buttermilk.To make vegan heavy cream: Combine plain soy yogurt and full-fat soy/almond milk (at about a 2 to 1 ratio) until the mixture reaches the consistency of heavy cream. Between the cake and the ganache, this recipe uses one small (6 ounce) container of soy yogurt.

to prepare the cake
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 12-cup Bundt pan with canola or vegetable oil spray and set aside.
In a small saucepan, melt the 2 ounces of chocolate over a larger pot of boiling water (or use a double boiler. Let cool slightly.
In a large bowl, whisk together the oil, sugar, yogurt, and flax seeds until smooth. Add the cooled chocolate and whisk well. Set aside.
In a small bowl, sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Alternate adding the dry ingredients, the blueberry puree, and the prepared buttermilk to the chocolate mixture. Whisk until very smooth and combined.
Pour the cake batter into the Bundt pan and bake on the lower rack of the oven for about 40 minutes. A knife inserted in the center of the cake should come out clean but not dry. Don’t over cook or the cake will be too dry and burny.
Let the cake cook in the pan for about 10 minutes. Turn out onto a wire rack and allow to cool completely before frosting.

to prepare the ganache
In a glass Pyrex cup (or other heat-proof dish) mix the chopped chocolate, corn syrup, and butter. Set aside.
In a small sauce pan bring the heavy cream to a boil (don’t let it boil too long or it will scorch).
Pour the boiling cream over the chocolate mixture. Cover with a dish towel or small plate and let sit for about 5-7 minutes or until all the chocolate has melted. Whisk briskly until smooth.
When the ganache has cooled slightly, pour over the cooled cake, using an offset spatula to help it drizzle down the sides. Let the frosted cake stand at least 30 minutes for the ganache to set before serving.

***

Neither of these cakes lasted long enough in my apartment to get photographed so you’ll just have to take my word that they were both as gorgeous as they were delicious.

And getting rid of the guilty feelings?

Piece of cake.