On Gingerbread

I'd like to take you back, friends and enemies, to a simpler time. A time before grad school. Before texting was a way of life. Before full-time jobs and having bills to pay. A time before you could drink legally. A time when movie franchises like "Star Wars" and "Harry Potter" and "X-Men" were in their infancy and still held so much promise.

Let's call this magical time "Christmas 2002." HoneyBunny, my high-school boyfriend, and I were no longer dating. We were, however, BFF's and he had moved into my parents' guest room after we both dropped out of Kenyon College to go on "sabbatical;" a sabbatical that would end with him joining the army and me back in school at OSU. Like I said, simpler times.

In preparation of the theatrical release of "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers," we watched "LOTR:FOTR" every day for a week, often twice a day, while decorating the house for Christmas. We also made gingerbread cookies and decorated them to look like members of the fellowship and characters from the books:

Clockwise: Saruman, Elrond, Treebeard, Galadriel, Arwen, Gollum/Smeagol

Clockwise: Gandalf, Boromir (with the Horn of Gondor), Frodo (with frosting Sting on his belt), and Aragorn.

We totally saw LOTR:TT twice on opening day...and ended up seeing it 5 times in the theaters before the month was over. Though the pictures were taken almost a decade ago, the cookies are still in a Ziploc container sitting in the back of the garage refrigerator. Yes, we are just that awesome.

***

Now it's 7 years later and life is more complicated. The HB's out of the army, I'm out of grad school. We're still BFF's but we haven't seen each other for more than a week straight since he moved to Alaska. We're both divorced. We can drink legally and do so often - possibly to the detriment of our health. Movies that we'd be willing (or have the time and money) to see twice on opening day are few and far between.

But the gingerbread remains the same. In the past my mom has made the dough, rolled it, and baked it. I'm just there to pick out the cookie-cutter shapes and frost them once they're cool. That's the Simple Times way of doing things, though. And I'm a Grown-Up. With a Mostly-Complicated-Life. So this year I decided to tackle the gingerbread making process from start to finish.

Simply Wonderful Vegan Gingerbread

a veganized version of the "Gingerbread Cookies" recipe from Wilton's "Christmas!" Recipe & Idea Book 1992

8 cups flour

1 cup brown sugar

1 1/4 cup molasses

3 eggs worth of Ener-G egg replacer (4 1/2 teaspoons powder + 6 tbs warm water)

1 cup vegan butter, softened

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon allspice

1 teaspoon cloves

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon ginger

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix 3 cups of flour and all the remaining ingredients in the mixer at low speed until blended. Increase the speed to medium and mix until very smooth. Reduce speed to low and slowly add the remaining 5 cups of flour, one cup at a time. The dough will get very stiff, so you may have to add and mix the last cup of flour by hand. If the dough seems too dry (as mine did, egg substitute is not as liquid-y as real eggs), add extra tablespoons of warm water until the dough is doughy. Chill for about an hour and then return to room temperature before rolling. Bake 8-12 minutes depending on the size of the cookie.

Here's the rolling station. My mom has perfected many secret-special ways of making perfect, addictive, legendary Christmas cookies. Mom Tip #948: Roll the dough between two, lightly floured sheets of wax paper. #196: A marble rolling pin is way better than a wooden one.

Once the dough is all rolled out, cut some delicious shapes. Mom Tip #763: Flour the cookie cutter in between cuts so the shapes don't stick.

I decided to do a few trays of tiny, bite-sized gingerbread men. A few trays of bells and trees. A tray of giant men. And a few trays of moose/deer of varying sizes. It all depends on your patience, really. Mom Tip #521: The larger the cookies, the quicker you'll go through the dough.

After about 4 trays of cookies, my arms gave out and I called in reinforcements (AKA Roomie and his rowing muscles). He turned out to be something of a rolling pin prodigy. Check out a forthcoming FB album of Roomie making pinwheels - the most rolling-centered, labor-intensive cookie in my mom's considerable cookie repertoire. Mom Tip #117: Delegate, delegate, delegate!

And here's the finished product. You might notice that the two racks with trees and bells look much darker than the rack of men. This would be because I forgot to bake them. My mom's oven is digital. After the time runs out, it automatically reduces the heat to 150 degrees and blinks hold. When I put the bells and trees in, I forgot to set the timer and then forgot that I forgot to set the timer. When I looked over at the oven and saw it blinking "hold," I assumed that they had baked and were burning. Since they didn't look quite done, I put them in for another 2 minutes. It wasn't until my mom and I were putting the cookies into Tupperware that I realized my mistake. This is not a horrible thing (my mom assures me) so we just put them back in the oven for ten minutes and a disaster was averted. Mom Tip #324 & 325: Cookies are never ruined only unexpected & I've made every baking mistake at least once so don't feel too bad.

The cookies are as yet un-decorated (and, unfortunately, there are no fantasy epics in the theater this season) so I'm taking suggestions.

Mom Tip#1: It simply isn't Christmas without cookies.

Oh, The Weather Outside Is Frightful

Perhaps you have noticed, avid reader, it is December. Low temperatures, high winds, snow- & ice-covered roads. It's the most treacherous time of the year for us runners/bicylcers.

Mother Nature and I have an agreement though. I respect her ability to wipe out entire civilizations with a well-placed hurricane; she in turn, respects my refusal to stop running outdoors in the face of inclement weather. I don't curse her name when she makes it rain on raceday; she doesn't smite me with lightning when I ride my bike during a thunderstorm. We have a pretty good thing going.

So was I deterred by this Wednesday's nation-wide windstorm? Of course not. The meteorologists might have worked themselves into a fine frenzy, but I was feelin' fine.


It was a most excellent run.

And what better way to end a day spent out-of-doors than with a big bowl of homemade soup? The following is a veganized adaptation of a recipe from this month's Bon Appetit magazine.The original calls for mixing the minced tarragon into plain, non-fat yogurt, and sauteing chunks of sourdough in olive oil to make croutons, then using both as garnish. I was too tired, too sore, and too wind-chapped to care about the ooh-la-la factor.

Blustery Day Celery Soup with Fresh Tarragon

2 teaspoons olive oil
6 green onions, chopped
1 bunch of celery with leaves, chopped
4 cups vegetable broth
6-8 baby white-skinned potatoes, peeled and chopped
1/4 teaspoon celery seeds
3 tablespoons plain soygurt/non-dairy sour cream
2-3 tablespoons fresh tarragon, chopped fine
1 loaf sourdough bread

Heat the olive oil in a medium/large soup pot. Add the onions and sautee a few minutes.
Add the celery, broth, potatoes, and celery seed. Stir to well and bring to a boil.
Reduce heat and cover, letting the veggies simmer until soft, about 15 minutes or so.
Working in batches, puree the soup in a blender (or use an immersion blender like the one that's on my Christmas list) then return to the pot.
With the heat on low, slowly stir in the soy yogurt/sour cream. Sprinkle the tarragon on top and replace the lid, allowing the herbs to steam a bit.
Give everything a few more good stirs before serving with thick slices of sourdough bread.

***

So let it snow! Lace up those running shoes! Batten down your hatches! Brave the elements! Look Mother Nature in the eye and refuse to blink! Make some soup!

Viva la winter!

Mixing It Up

I'm spending December at my parents' house, affectionately known as "The One-Four-Four-Eight."

Don't be misled by the ostentatious jewelry that is in my possesion. I am still Megan from the cul-de-sac.

But I digress.

There are many nice things about staying at home, not least of which is having an entire month off work. I have nothing to do but decorate, work out, decorate, and cook. And decorate. Well, the decorating is pretty much done (pictures forthcoming), so in between workouts, I've started to do some baking. Since my mom is in the middle of "The Cookie Making 2009," she has her mixer sitting out on the counter 24-7.

Staring at me.

Taunting me.

Reminding me I've never used a stand-mixer before.

Suggesting in dulcet tones that I lacked the kitchen werewithal to successfully use a stand mixer.



Now I'm not one to be bullied by inanimate objects, even those who make compelling arguments, so I grabbed the rotting bananas from the kitchen table, walked my ten paces, and prepared to do battle with mixer.

Unfortunately for my ego, it did not dawn on me until I put most of the ingredients in the mixer's bowl that the recipe I had did not actually need to be mixed. In fact, one of the instructions explicitly reads, "do not over mix." Sigh. So much for blaming my kitchen ineptitude on the crap-tacular-ness of my apartment's kitchen.

Needlessly Mixed Banana-Raspberry Bread

2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 overripe bananas
1/4 cup rice milk
1 egg worth of Ener-G egg replacer
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (Note: my mom purchased some kick-ass vanilla-bean paste that I used instead. It's concentrated and delicious and expensive-but-worth-it if you can find it)
1 pint carton of fresh raspberries

Mix all the dry ingredients in a mixer bowl.
In a seperate bowl, mash the bananas together with the milk, egg-replacer, and vanilla.
While the mixer is running on low, add the wet mixture to the dry.

**Note: Here's where I just mixed the hell out of the batter because running the mixer on high is very fun. According to the original recipe, the wet and dry are to be mixed until "just combined." I leave it up to your discretion. End**

Remove the bowl from the mixer stand and fold in the raspberries, stirring gently to evenly distribute without smooshing up the berries too much.
Pour the batter into a greased loaf pan and bake at 350 degrees for an hour. Let cool in the pan for about 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

Despite the overmixing, the bread was deliciously sweet/sour.

And it totally put that mouthy mixer in its place.

A Blended Family

As you probably know by now, friends and enemies, the kitchen in my apartment is quite small. Teeny fridge, cabinet space at a premium, no pantry, only one full sized burner, etcetera after diminutive etcetera. But I manage to make due, and as far as apartment kitchens go, I've been told mine is pretty much status quo.

By comparison, however, my mom's kitchen is palatial. Seriously, my kitchen fits in the breakfast nook. There are bay windows. An over-stuffed, leather easy chair. A desk. A full-sized kitchen table. A free-standing, stove-top island. An oven that cooks evenly. Two microwaves. A gourmet fridge (and two more in the garage!). An eating bar.

It's the latter that I really love (although I've taken some kick-ass naps in the easy chair). The bar separates the breakfast nook from the kitchen proper. I've mentioned before that the kitchen is usually the center of action during my parties, but having a bar in the kitchen often turns everyday cooking & baking into a party. The other night was one of those UPE's (Unplanned Party Event).

I wanted to stock my mom's fridge with dips and dressings. She's taken to eating RBD so I figure I'd earn my winter break room & board by keeping her veggies well accompanied. The Doc was also home, enjoying his (highly unusual) second day off in a row. What started off as me and a G&T in the kitchen alone, turned into a Christmas-carol-soundtracked, bar-tended, family event.

Roomie kept my mom's vodkatonic's and The Doc's 7&7's flowing as I chopped up a tray of crudites and proceeded to blend up double recipes of most of the dips in my repertoire. The Doc and Roomie bellied themselves up to the bar and taste-tested as each dip came out of the blender. Not-Peanut Sauce. Tenth-Mile Rawnch. Roomie's Favorite Vinaigrette. Yes, I Said 'Nutcheese' Nutcheese. And two new-to-blog dips for your gustatory pleasure.

Green Greenie Tahini Dressing

2/3 cup tahini

1 cup of water (for thinning)

1/4 cup orange juice

1 heaping tablespoon cheater garlic

generous 1/4 cup of roughly chopped parsley

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon paprika

a shake or two of chipotle powder

Put everything but the water in the blender and mix well, adding the water slowly and as needed to facilitate blending. This dressing should have a pretty, pale green color from the parsley. Delicious with celery and also good as a dip for falafel.

Party In Your Mouth Red Pepper-Cannellini Dip

1 red pepper, chopped

1 can cannellini beans, rinsed & drained

1-2 teaspoons dried basil

1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon cheater garlic

1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper

2 tablespoons olive oil

Blend everything until smooth, adding warm water if needed to thin the mixture. This is really good with raw spinach and would be a wonderful sauce for gnocchi or ravioli.

***

Moral of the story? Blenders + cocktails + rawveg + a smorgasborg of dips + family + spacious kitchen = spontaneous party.

Beens!! 'n Greens!!

So I watched "The Wrestler" Monday night. Not a bad movie, if a tad predictably unpredictable, given it had Aronofsky's trademark, "no-ending ending." But there was the staplegun scene and Marisa Tomei's a fox. I give it 4 and-a-half stars out of 5.

Watching an Oscar-nominated film put me in the mood for Beens!! 'n Greens!!, my patent-pending, Academy-Award-Ceremony-accompanying dishes extraordinaire. I made it last year for the little Oscar party I threw for me, Roomie, and Kev. Both dishes are light enough to eat for all 4 hours of the telecast and they both go great with champagne, the latter being a must for any Hollywood-themed party. Of course, my Oscar party wasn't so much "Hollywood-themed" as it was "I made the boys wear ties and dress shirts over their pyjama pants and I threw on some costume jewelry over mine."

Since I make these recipes in tandem, I'll give you the complete recipes for each first, and then the prep for both intertwined. Both recipes are originally from the Veganomicon, a cookbook which, if you do not already own, you should ask Santa for this Christmas.



Dill-Basmati Rice with Chard and Garbanzo Beens!!


2 cups basmati rice
2 small onions, diced fine
2 tablespoons grapeseed oil
1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds
1 teaspoon garam masala **Note: If you, like my mom, have a spice rack with no garam masala, you can use a pinch each (1/16 - scant 1/8 teaspoon) of cinnamon, nutmeg, ground cloves, and coriander seeds. End note**
1 bunch fresh dill, stems removed, chopped fine (about 3/4 cup)
1 pound chard (any color) rinsed, thick stems removed
1 can garbanzo beens!!, drained and rinsed
2 cups vegetable stock
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon lemon
2-3 turns of fresh ground pepper


Bulgur, Babygreens, & Cannellini Salad with Garlic-Paprika Dressing


for the salad:
1 cup bulgur
1 1/3 cup boiling water
2 cups thinly sliced mushrooms
1 can cannellini beens!!, drained and rinsed
1 small red onion, halved or quartered, sliced thin
3 handfulls of mixed baby greens (I use the pre-washed kind that come in a big plastic container)


for the dressing:
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1 tablespoon basalmic vinegar
1 heaping tablespoon cheater garlic
1 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
3/4 teaspoon salt
a few turns of fresh ground black pepper


Preparation
In a medium-sized bowl, rinse the rice with a few changes of water, then cover with water and let soak for at least 20 minutes.
Place the bulgur in a small pot with a tight-fitting lid. Measure out 1 1/3 cups of boiling water, pour over the bulgur, and cover. Let sit for 30 minutes.
While the grains are soaking/cooking, prepare the salad dressing. Whisk together all the dressing ingredients together in a very large bowl. I like the Tupperware Mega-Bowl. Add the mushrooms, beans, and onions. Stir to coat and let marinate while the bulgur continues to cook.
While the salad is marinating, chop & prep all the ingredients for the dill-rice dish. Steam the chard in a steamer or pot with about 2 inches of water. When the leaves are limp and bright green, transfer to a bowl and squeeze out as much water as you can. Roll into buches and chop well. Drain the rice.
When the bulgur is cooked, pour it and any water left in the pot into the bowl with the veggies & dressing. Stir to coat. Add the handfulls of greens!!, toss to coat, then cover the bowl with a lid or tightly with saran wrap. Put in the fridge (or out on the front porch if it's chilly December/end-of-February Oscar night) and let sit for an hour.
In at least a 4-qt. pot or dutch oven, heat the grapeseed oil over medium heat. Add the cumin seeds (and coriander seeds if you aren't using pre-made garam masala) and fry for 20-30 seconds. Add the onions and stir. Add the other spices (or garam masala) and saute until the onions are soft. Add the rice and stir well so that all the grains get a coating of the oil-spice mix. Add the dill, garbanzo beens!!, veggie stock, salt, lemon juice, and pepper. Increase the heat to bring the rice to a boil. Immediately reduce heat to low and cover tight. Cook for 25-30 minutes or until all the broth is absorbed, stirring often to keep the bottom from sticking/burning.


Serve the salad over a bed of spinach (if you, like me, like a lot of greens!! with your beens!!).
Serve the rice with a lemon wedge and a sprinkle of cayenne (if you want more heat).



And get your acceptance speech ready for when your dinner guests start singing your praises.

November in Recipes

According to my blog/fic friends, this past month was NaBoPoMo/NaNoWriMo (National Blog Post Month & National Novel Writing Month, respectively); the conceit being that one should make the effort to write/blog at least once a day, every day of the month. Since acronyms, writing, and nationally-sanctioned reasons for doing things are all on the List of Things Megan Straight-Up Enjoys; and since I have both a blog & a novel in progress, you’d think I would have been all over this shit, right?

Wrong.

April might be the cruelest month, but when you teach quarters, November is certainly one of the busiest. Many things conspired to keep me from my extra-curricular writing: The Royales’ show, two 5Ks, Avenue Q, teaching my last classes, collecting & grading final portfolios, an impromptu weekend trip to Hilton Head, several massages, packing up my apartment to move home for a month, a cocktail/movie night with friends, the Flying Feather 4-Miler, loving up on my dog, cleaning out the upstairs bedrooms at my parents’ for the mother-of-all garage sales, my sister’s car getting stolen… You know, the usual.

So here, to make up for my complete lack of any writing for the past 30 days, I give you My Month in Recipes.

I Totally Miss My Students More Than I Should PB&B Muffins

1 cup whole wheat flour
¾ cup oats
1/3 cup packed brown sugar, plus 3 tablespoons for sprinkling
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 cup soymilk
½ cup peanut butter
2-3 mashed bananas
1 ½ teaspoon egg replacer dissolved in 2 tablespoons warm water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 375. Grease a 12-cup muffin tin. Wonder what you will do with yourself on Tuesday/Thursday nights for the rest of the month.
Sift together all the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Set aside.
Whisk or beat with a hand mixer the milk, PB, egg, banana, vanilla, and oil until smooth. Think to yourself that you will have a new batch of students to get to know next quarter.
Add the wet to the dry and mix until just combined. Remember that you probably won’t be teaching next quarter, thank you very much budget/enrollment cuts.
Spoon into the muffin tins and sprinkle the tops with the extra tablespoons of brown sugar. Lick you fingers to dull the sharp pain of unemployment/no more fun students.
Bake for 18 minutes or until brown and delicious looking.

These muffins combine well with the slightly uncomfortable feeling of wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve and a mug of hot tea

Two 5Ks Are Better Than One Spiced Wine

3 cups apple cider (I used some that I had mulled over Halloween with some allspice, cloves, & cinnamon sticks, but you could use plain no problem)
2 cups dry red wine (I used Frontera Cab-Sauv)
1 orange, sliced in thin rings
1 big apple, sliced cross-core in thin rings
1 teaspoon black peppercorns, in a spice ball

Put everything in a pot. Stretch your aching hamstrings and quads.
Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer for 10-15 minutes. Remind yourself that pain is temporary but race shirts are forever.
Serve hot in mugs or cold over ice in martini glasses.
Optional: add 2 Aleve or an Rx-strength Motrin, and an all-joint rub-down with Ben-Gay.


Moving Out Macaroni -or- Anything We Don’t Eat Today Will Spoil-aroni

Cook a big pot of short pasta. I used tri-color rotini. Drain and return to the pot. Set aside but keep covered so it doesn’t get cold and gross.

In a large frying pan or pot (it depends on how much on-the-verge-of-spoiling produce you’re going to toss in) sauté in 2-3 tablespoons of grapeseed oil:

1 onion
1 big tablespoon cheater garlic
mushrooms
2 peppers, chopped, slimy parts rinsed off (I used red & orange)
corn cut from two cobs of corn
a handful or so of shredded carrots
chopped or mandolined yellow squash/zucchini , moldy stems removed
2-3 celery ribs

When everything is soft and fragrant, remove from heat and add fresh spinach, chard, and basil, sliced in ribbons. Cover pan to let the greens steam.

While the greens are steaming, blend the following in your blender:

1 package of Mori-Nu firm silken tofu (about 14 oz.)
5 tablespoons vegetable broth (or water for thinning)
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon salt (use a bit more if you use water)

Add the vegetable mix to the pasta, stirring to evenly distribute.
Add the tofu cream to the pasta pot and stir to cover everything evenly.

Serve with steamed green beans, asparagus, tomato slices, and any other slightly moldy/slimy/stinky veg you might have in your fridge. Not throwing away food is fun!


Fireworks & Fake Diamonds Cran-Gin Cocktail

heaping ½ cup fresh cranberries
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 cups apple cider (again, mine was pre-mulled)
1 bottle ginger beer
2 generous shots gin (I used Tanqueray)

In a pitcher, muddle the cranberries and sugar. Add the lemon juice and muddle some more if it seems like the berries aren’t muddling properly.
Add the cider, ginger beer, and gin. I suppose you could leave the gin out but why would you?
Stir and serve chilled over ice.

Enjoy this sparkly-tasting drink with friends while watching the unfortunately-dead hotness that is Cary Grant and Grace Kelly verbally sparring to some Riviera fireworks. It’s about as sexy as you can get with all your clothes on.


I Should Be Packing Cranberry-Ginger Cornbread Pile

2 sticks butter, softened
½ cup plus 3 tablespoons sugar
1 ¼ cup fresh cranberries
1 cup all-purpose flour
½ cup yellow cornmeal
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
3 teaspoons egg replacer powder, dissolved in 4 tablespoons warm water
1 tablespoon finely chopped candied ginger

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Panic slightly over how difficult it is to pack and move one month’s worth of your possessions.
Melt ½ a stick of butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Recover from aforementioned panic attack by burning your finger.
Add 3 tablespoons of sugar and stir until dissolved.
Add the cranberries and stir to coat.
Cook until cranberries begin to pop. Swear loudly when you get cranberry juice on your newest race t-shirt. Belatedly put on an apron.
Pour into a loaf pan, distributing evenly to cover the bottom. Let cool.

Sift together flour, cornmeal, baking powder & soda, and salt. Get excited because in a few short days you will be able to listen to Christmas music; hum a few bars of “Adeste Fidelis.”
Beat the remaining butter and sugar with a hand or stand mixer until pale and fluffy.
With the mixer still on add the egg replacer mixture and beat until smooth.
Reduce mixer speed to low and slowly add the dry mix. Forget, at first, to turn the beater down and swear to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman” while sweeping up piles of flour.
Fold in the ginger. Panic again when you remember you still have laundry to do.
Pour the batter into the loaf pan over the cranberries. Smooth the top with an offset spatula.
Place the loaf pan on a rimmed cookie sheet, and bake for about 33 minutes or until a tester comes out clean. Do absolutely no packing while you wait; instead, read fanfiction, creep on FB, and watch TV.
Transfer pan to a wire rack and let cool for 15 minutes. Begrudgingly do a load of laundry and pull your duffel bag out from under the bed.
Invert pan onto the wire rack, and let cool cranberry side up.

Loyal readers might remember my last upside-down dessert debacle. This one fared no better.

Here’s what it was supposed to look like:

Here’s what mine looked like:

Possible problems? A too-dry batter. The original non-vegan recipe called for 2 large eggs. Two eggs worth of egg replacer might not be wet enough. Perhaps adding some soymilk would have helped. I might also have been a tad overzealous with the cooling time and flipped the pan when it was too hot. Maybe the cranberries weren’t cooked enough. Maybe the pan wasn’t greased enough. Maybe I should just stick to right-side-up foods from now on.

Consolation? It may have looked like something I punted out of my kitchen and onto a serving plate, but it tasted a-freaking-mazing. I may start putting chopped ginger into all the cornbread I make. Sweet, savory, sour, and completely eaten.

***

And there you have it, kids - a month of kitchen ridiculousness. I laughed, I cried, I ate, I drank.

Now, if only I can figure out how to fit writing in there too...

The Opossum

In honor of Halloween (and in lieu of a recipe), I present for your consideration, friends & enemies, something a little more...poetic.

Based on true, real-life events.

"The Opossum"

Once upon a midnight dreary, I returned to my car, weak and weary,
After teaching many a bored and drowsy first year boor—
The wind whipped ‘round the fallen leaves, dry and crinkling, from the eaves,
And though I’d parked in the Black Lot before, I felt a shudder to the core,
“You’re over-tired and under-paid,” I said, unlocking the car door,
“Only this and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I recall, it was October in Athens, in the fall,
The kind you can’t help but adore.
Yet eagerly I yearned for Break, the six-week kind we Bobcats take,
when I could leave student essays behind, for reading of a simpler kind;
the kind of romantic, character-driven lore, the stories your brain cries out for—
mindless fluff, and nothing more.

As I left my job behind, a somber mood filled my mind, creeping, grasping
eerie fingers, lingered ‘til I could not ignore
the rapid beating of my heart. So I sat at a red light repeating,
“You’re over-tired and under-paid,” pushing the gas to the floor,
“Only this and nothing more.”

Pulling into my apartment’s lot, I gathered all the courage I got
“Silly,” said I, “you’re far too old for megrims anymore;
it’s just this creepy season that has relieved you of your reason
and has your imagination teasin’” – here I opened the car door –
“Only this and nothing more.”

Toward my apartment I started walking, though my fears continued stalking
each step I took along the path to my front door.
Suddenly I heard a rustling, as if something quietly bustling
stealthily hustling, quickly muscling through the bushes
under the window of the apartment next door—
halting my approach to my apartment door.

The moon from behind diaphanous clouds, silvery streaks like burial shrouds,
shone down upon the path to my apartment door
and revealed to me the noise’s source, that which stopped me on my course,
my fear returning in full force— an opossum crouched at my apartment door!
Crouched upon the brick-lined stoop in front of my apartment door,
Crouched, and staring, and nothing more.

This ghostly animal beguiling my fearful fancy into smiling
by the spooked and panicked countenance it wore,
“Though your fur be pale and matted, thou,” I said, “art sure not rabid;
creeping, twitching marsupial wandering on paws of four—
get thee off the stoop in front of my apartment door!”
He just crouched and stared, and nothing more.
Then. me thought, the shadows grew denser, the muscles in my shoulders tenser,
and my hopes for safe passage plummeted to the floor.
“Wretch” I cried, “what Devil lent thee – by what demons hath he sent thee
courage – courage to remain there sitting, staring at the stoop of my front door?
Let me pass without your caring and enter through my door.
He just crouched and stared, and nothing more.

“Opossum!” said I, “thing of evil! – Opossum still, if rat or devil! –
Get thee back into the bushes and away from my front door!
Leave no droppings as a token of the peace of mine you’ve broken
and the curses I have spoken – quit the stoop before my door!
Take thy creepy tail from out my heart and take they form away from my door!”
He just crouched and stared, and nothing more.

And the opossum, never quitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
on the brick-lined stoop just before my apartment door;
and his red eyes have the seeming of a demon who is dreaming
and the porch light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor
and my soul from out that shadow that is crouching on the floor
shall be lifted – nevermore!