Oh My Aching Back

Usually, it fills me great joy and personal contentment that I spend the majority of my time working out. I"m not really happy without my routine; which includes running 4-5 days a week, being on a bike or spinner 3 days a week, swimming 2-3 times a week, and doing yoga/pilates 3 times a week.

"Hi, my name is Megan and I'm addicted to endorphins."

"Hi, Megan."

My life doesn't really have meaning unless I'm working out; and I'm completely OK with that...until, that is, I get injured. As Roomie will attest, getting injured is, and I say this without hyperbole or dramatic intent, THE END OF THE WORLD FOR ME. When I'm injured, I have to STOP WORKING OUT and stopping for even a few days means I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WORK OUT AGAIN because my injury will become SOMETHING CHRONIC and then I'll get FAT and my life will BE PURPOSELESS and I will spiral into a gray, bleak, hopeless depression from which there is NO ESCAPE.

These periods of bleak meaninglessness have happened several times over the past 5 years (swimmer's shoulder, a twisted knee, a torn groin muscle, strained ligaments in my ankle, pulled sacroiliac); basically any time that I have to take more than a day or two off of working out. Roomie, having been there for all of the wailing and gnashing of teeth, has been helping me focus on healing and what I can do, rather than on the injury and what I can't do. "Which sounds better," he'll ask me, "never working out again because it's become chronic (the equivalent of a racial slur to me)? Or resting for a few days and starting fresh?" Hard as it is to do, I must concede the latter.

So here I am, in the 5th day of my inactivity, due to a re-strain of my sacroiliac (at a yoga class, no less! Sigh. 27 never felt so old). True to form, it's been a rough week. Since I don't teach until the late evenings, I have long, long days to try and fill with distractions from both the pain in my back and the depressed thoughts (you will never be fit again!) that wrap their long, stealthy, banana-peel fingers over my shoulders and squeeze.

But, as I have been learning over the course of this blog, cooking & baking helps. Though I can't stand too long in the kitchen, I have been able to turn out a few things in between fanfic chapters and Frasier reruns. It helps pass the time and makes me feel at least vaguely productive. Now, if I could only convince myself it's ok to eat any of these things on a day when I haven't worked out....

Grump-B-Gone 'Nanner & Oat Bread

1 1/2 cup white flour

2/3 cup sugar

1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup oats

1 cup-ish mashed banana (I used 3 that were black as my mood)

1/3 cup soymilk mixed with 1 teaspoon vinegar (to make buttermilk)

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

2 eggs worth of Ener-G egg replacer

Combine all the wet ingredients and mix well. Set aside.

Sift together all the dry ingredients. Add the wet to the dry and mix until just moistened.

Pour batter into a greased loaf pan and bake for 45-55 minutes at 350 degrees or until a tester stuck in the middle comes out clean.

Cool in the pan for about 15 minutes before turning out onto a rack to cool completely.

The Shut-In's Carrot Cake with Ginger-Cream Filling

(like a true shut-in, I made my own "shredded carrots")

for the cake:

1/2 cup butter, softened

1 1/2 cups brown sugar

2 tablespoons flax meal in 6 tablespoons warm water (= 2 eggs)

2-2 1/2 cups blender-ed carrots (see below)

2 cups whole wheat flour

2 tablespoons cornstarch

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon cloves

for the filling:

1/4 cup butter, softened

2 cups powdered sugar

2 tablespoons warm soymilk (as needed for thinning)

1/2-1 teaspoon powdered ginger (depending on how strong you'd like it)

to prepare the cake:

To make the carrot mixture: mandolin 4-5 big carrots into your blender. Pulse-blend until they have an ABC look about them (already been chewed). Add a little water to facilitate blending if necessary but not much or the batter will be too thin. You don't want carrot soup, just carrot pablum.

In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar. Add the flax mixture, blender-ed carrots, and oil. Mix well and set aside.

In a smaller bowl, sift together all the dry ingredients. Add the dry to the wet until thoroughly combined. (Add nuts or raisins or pineapple or minced candied ginger or whatever here if you so choose to jazz up your cake).

Divide the batter between to greased, 9-inch-round cake pans. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes or until center tests clean.

to prepare the filling:

While the cakes are cooling (in pan for about 10 minutes, then on a rack), prepare the filling. Note that the measurements I give above are for a half recipe because I only wanted to put frosting in between my layers, not on top. Feel free to double it if you want to fully frost your cake.

Cream the butter and half the powdered sugar. Alternate between adding the milk and the rest of the sugar, mixing well. Add the ginger by halves, to taste.

When the cakes are completely cool, frost the top of one half and flip the other on top.

Turn That Frown Upside-Down

Hello loyal fans and detractors!

I noticed, while reading some old posts, that it's been a while since I had an epic failure in the kitchen. On the one hand, Yay! I must be getting better! But on the other hand, Boo. Where's the entertainment value in writing about how great things are going? I suppose a blog, by nature, is mostly self-congratulatory but I'm most in my element when I'm being self-depreciating. It's a fairly effective way to maintain the appearance of modesty and humility in the face of recurring triumphs. It also keeps the students laughing (and hopefully, the blog-followers reading).

So. While losing the AFM's "Squash It!" contest helped some, that wasn't a personal failure so much as it was the indifference of cheese-aholic judges. Thus, to bolster my 'aw shucks' persona, I present for you the previous week's moderately disasterous attempt at an upside-down cake. Here's how it happened:

My mom sent down for me a bushel of tiny, home-grown pears. My high school teachers have been giving me produce for decades since I was the only vegan they knew. Even though I've moved away, my mom is still the recipient of their garden largess - this time 2 dozen of the sweetest pears I've even eaten. When those pears started to attract the beefed up fruit flies that live in my kitchen, it was time to bring on the baked goods.

Now, my only prior upside-down cake experience has been avoiding those made with pineapple. Pineapple upside-down cakes have a "nursing home" aura about them. They smell of heavy syrup and desperate resignation. Also - they look disgusting. Maraschino cherries fill me a diffuse, stormy (and, admittably illogical) rage. But I like the concept of fresh fruit on top of cake. And so my misadventure began.

Step one: Do not cut yourself while trying to peel and core the pears. This leads to blood in your brown sugar glaze. Just leave the peels on. People who won't eat fruit that isn't peeled shouldn't be offered dessert anyway.

Step two: Even though you have a bag full of orange slices leftover from last weekend's round of cinnamon tequila shots, it is not advisable to zest these. Zesting already-cut oranges will send an excruciating amount of juice and citric acid into your cut finger, dribbling down your arm and onto the rug. On the plus side, your kitchen will smell zesty fresh.

Step three: Remember that when you are melting butter in the glass dish, the dish will also get hot. Though, forgetting this will result in cauterizing the aforementioned cut, it also means you will dump half a stick of melted butter into the bottom of your oven.

Step four: Make sure you have all the ingredients necessary to make your cake. It can be very disheartening when you reach for your Tupperware container marked "white flower" (yes, I misspelled 'flour' when I initially made the label) and it is empty. Using all wheat flour isn't a huge set-back but it does change the consistency of the batter.

Step five: Stretch properly before attempting to flip hot cake out of the pan and onto a serving tray. If you are, like I was, attempting to use a serving tray that is significantly larger than the cake pan, it will require a kind of kitchen contortionism that can easily lead to singed forearms and a spilled cake that is less 'upside-down' than 'dumped onto a plate.'

Accidentally Wheat Fresh Pear Dump Cake

3-4 fresh pears, halved & cored

3/4 cup butter

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 cup white sugar

1 eggs worth of Ener-G egg replacer

1 teaspoon orange zest

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 2/3 cup flour

1/2 cup soymilk

Place 1/4 cup of butter in a 8x8 glass pan. Place pan in the oven to melt the butter as the oven is preheating to 350 degrees or so.

Cream the rest of the butter with the white sugar, vanilla, orange zest, and egg replacer mix. Set aside.

When the oven butter is melted, sprinkle the brown sugar over it and place the pears in the dish, cut side down. Set aside.

Blend the baking powder and salt into the butter-egg mixture. Alternate adding the flour and milk until completely smooth and blended.

Pour the mixture over the pears in the dish. Bake for 40 minutes or so.

Invert onto a serving dish. Scrape out any cake parts that stayed stuck inside the pan (because you didn't really have hands large enough to invert a scalding hot glass dish onto a plate) and rebuild the corners and sides into something resembling a square cake.

You should eat this cake within a week. Even keeping it in the fridge won't make it last much longer than that. If you don't mind moldy pears on your cake (and I certainly don't) then it will keep for much longer.

And there you have it, kids. A sweet & wheaty cake and a little bit of my failure.

I hope you enjoy them both.

And The Winner Is...

...not me!!!


This weekend was the 2nd Annual Athens' Farmers' Market "Squash It!" Cooking Contest. In an attempt to get over my fear/phobic inability to try things at which my success is not guaranteed, I decided to enter.


As far as first cooking contests go, it was pretty fun. I like the idea of cooking for unknown diners. It gives the time I spend in the kitchen prepping everything an exiting immediacy. It raised money for the "Friends of the AFM," and since the squash had to be bought at the market, it also helped out the local growers. Once at the judging tent, I enjoyed seeing the different entries (though everyone's 'go-to' squash recipe seemed simply to be covering said squash with cheese and bread crumbs and baking it - or some variation thereof).

I, however, wanted to make something with squash as the dominant flavor rather than a filler for something else. I think I came up with a delicious little soup (though the judges begged to differ). All asterisked ingredients were bought at the AFM.

No-Prize Winning Spicy Butternut Soup with Roasted Red Pepper Cream

for the soup:
3-4 cups butternut squash, peeled and chopped**
2 tablespoons safflower oil
1 large onion, chopped
1 jalapeno, seeded and chopped**
2 large garlic cloves, minced (I pulled out all the stops this time and used real garlic!)**
2 teaspoons cumin
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon chipotle chili powder
1 1/2 granny smith apples, cored and chopped
2 carrots, sliced
3 celery stalks, chopped
4 cups vegetable stock
finely chopped flat-leaf parsley, for garnish**

for the cream:
1 vacuum-packed box of extra firm tofu (I used Mori-Nu)
1 teaspoon paprika
3/4 teaspoon sea salt
1 large red pepper, roasted**

to prepare:
Turn the oven on to broil. Wash the red pepper well and place on a cookie sheet under the broiler. Turn often until the pepper is blackened all the way around. Remove from the over and place in an air tight container for about 15 minutes to continue steaming.
While the pepper is broiling and steaming, chop the onion, garlic, and jalapeno and set aside. Chop the squash, carrots, apples, and celery and set aside. Heat the oil in a large pot. Add the onion, garlic, and jalapeno. Saute until the onion is soft.
Add the apples, squash, carrots, celery, and broth to the pot. Bring to a rolling boil then reduce heat to a simmer for 20-25 minutes or until all the veggies are soft.
While the soup is simmering, remove the skin, stem, and seeds from the roasted pepper. Place the cleaned pepper, the tofu, paprika, and salt into the blender and mid on high until smooth. Set aside in a separate bowl and rinse the blender.
When the soup is done, transfer in batches to the rinsed blender. Blend well and return to the pot over low heat.
Serve in bowls with a dollop of cream and a sprinkle of the parsley.

Roomie loved this soup, but he predicted I wouldn't win. "It's too spicy to win," he guessed. And for as warm a day as Saturday was, he was probably right. This soup has a great kick to it and would be better served in early winter rather than late summer. Maybe serve it in bread bowls so there's plenty of starch to balance the heat. You could probably cut the amount of jalapeno or chipotle to temper the spice too.

Despite not winning, I took consolation in the fact that mine was the only vegan entry and the first soup to be finished by the public taste-testers. Both the other soups had chicken stock as the base, one with cheddar and one with creme fraiche. I had to laugh when a taster asked if the other soups were veg-friendly and the guy next to me said, "yeah it only has a little chicken stock in it."

My final judgment: I failed at my first cooking contest but I still like them. I think I'll keep at it until I have a couple of ribbons. If at first you don't succeed, cook, cook some more.

Kitchen Harlotry

Prostitution has always been a pet interest of mine.


Vivian Ward, Fancy, Ophelia in Trading Places; I've written a seminar paper on The French Lieutenant's Woman, one on the archetype of the "fallen woman" in Victorian Literature, one on Mukherjee's Jasmine...hell, I'm Catholic! We get a whore built right into the Easter story! I just find the whole stereotypical "mother-madonna-whore" triptych fascinating.


Especially the whore part.


So how delighted was I to learn that the puttanesca sauce I decided to put my vegan spin on is literally, Italian for 'whore's sauce!?'


Delighted like the only whore in town on payday, that's how much.


But on what to put my slutty sauce?


Open the cupboards and there was the box of strange, off-brand orzo from Odd Lots that had been sitting way in the back of the top shelf since I had bought it with visions of orzo-and-ground-veggie-beef-stuffed green peppers dancing in my head. As with most of the visions I have of foods stuffed into other foods, the peppers never materialized. But the orzo remained. Thus was born one of the best Sunday night meals I've made in months.



One Pot Whore-Zo


1 16 oz box of orzo
4 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped fine
1 heaping tablespoon cheater garlic
3 1/2 cups vegetable broth
1 teaspoon (or more to taste) crushed red pepper
1 can (4 oz-ish) sliced black olives, drained
3 tablespoon capers (not too much brine)
1/2 cup fresh parsley, finely chopped
4 (at least) tomatoes, chopped (optional for topping/garnish)

Heat the olive oil in a large pot. Add the onions and sautee until soft.

Add the uncooked orzo to the onions and stir to coat. You're more or less toasting the orzo, but make sure not to burn it or let it get too stuck to the bottom of the pan. This should take between 5-10 minutes. Halfway through, add the garlic.

When the orzo is toasted add the vegetable broth to the pan and bring to a boil. Let boil for about a minute or so and then reduce heat to a simmer, stirring occasionally. The orzo is going to absorb the broth (like rice) but it's also going to get very creamy because the starch molecules from the pasta are not getting washed off or rinsed away in cooking water. If it seems like all the broth is absorbed but the orzo is still too chewy, just add more broth and cook a few more minutes.

When the orzo is full cooked (it should have a thick, oatmeal-like consistency), add the red pepper flakes and stir. Add the capers and olives and the parsley. Stir to evenly distribute.

Serve topped with the chopped fresh tomatoes (and maybe a grating or two of fresh parmesean if you swing that way). Ecco la buona cucina!

Just don't forget to leave some money on the dresser when you're done.

Those Who Can, Do

Those who can't, teach.

And those who don't really want to do anything remotely resembling real adult life just yet, adjunct a night class or two at their grad school alma mater.


What can I say? If refusing to get a job that I can't schedule around my running, cycling, yoga-ing, swimming, lifting, spinning, and cooking schedule is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.


Still, the start of fall quarter is always busy. Roomie is back in classes, back to coaching, back to competitive rowing training full-time. And even though teaching isn't the center of my world, I'm still spending a lot of time planning/prepping for my classes.

Knowing that this hustle-bustle was approaching, I spent Labor Day turning the last of the mouldering, fresh fruit in my fridge into something resembling edible baked goods. And, if I may be so bold, they turned out pretty damned good.


Forever Young Tropical Fruit Bread
"when the fruit has matured, but you refuse to"


1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup almond flour
2 tbs wheat germ
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup vegan butter, very soft
2/3 cup brown sugar, loosely packed
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbs flax seed meal mixed in 6 tbs warm water (equivalent of 2 eggs)
1 cup very ripe, very black-skinned, very mashed bananas
1 very ripe mango, chopped
1 tbs pineapple juice


Sift together the flours, wheat germ, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon in a large bowl. Set aside.
Place the chopped mango in a bowl and cover with the pineapple juice. Set aside.
Cream together the butter and sugar until smooth. Add the vanilla and flax seed mixture and mix well.
Slowly add the flour mixture to the butter and sugar, mixing well.
Add the bananas and mangos and mix thouroughly.
Pour the mix into a greased loaf pan and bake at 350ish degrees for about 45-50 minutes depending on your oven's temperment.


This bread is so sweet and soft it's practically a cake. If you made it with white flour instead of wheat it probably would be. Add a glass of hot dandelion root tea and a stack of student response papers and you've got yourself a fairly decent Tuesday night.

Sugar-Coated Berry Cakes
"like how adjunct actually means bitch...you know, sugar-coated"

1 1/4 cup white flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp salt
1/2 cup soy milk
1/2 tbs lemon juice
1 egg worth Ener-G egg replacer
1/2 stick vegan butter, melted
1 1/2 cup fresh blueberries and on-the-verge-of-spoiling strawberries
1/2 tsp orange zest (optional, but worth the effort)
1/2 cup or more of raw sugar (for sprinkling)

Mix the milk and lemon juice together and set aside for at least 3 minutes (this makes buttermilk).
Sift together the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Set aside.
Mix the Ener-G, butter, zest, and milk. Add to the dry ingredients and mix well.
Fold in the fruits, distributing evenly throughout the batter.
Pour the batter into a greased or paper-lined muffin tin, filling the cups about halfway. Sprinkle the tops with raw sugar and bake at 400 degrees for about 15-18 minutes.

Tops all crinkly and sugary, insides hot and fruity...there's nothing not to love. Serve these warm with a cold glass of milk (Roomie's partial to chocolate) and you can face even the most dead-eyed class of freshman.

And continue to refuse to grow up.

Fair is Fair

Oh, to be 3 and drinking a milkshake made from milk you saw leave the udder.

Much like national spelling bees, YouTube clips of children playing instruments, and the little sugarplum dancers in The Nutcracker...going to the fair makes me feel like I have wasted my life. There are 9 year olds who can shoe and ride horses! I saw a toddler milking a goat! I can't quilt. I can't knit. I'm afraid of chickens (their horrible pointy faces and scale-y feet just creep me out). I may have a green thumb but I'm terrified of bugs so I'll never know.

But I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I remember that I can turn the fruit that someone else has grown into delicious vegan treats. Maybe someday I will enter them into a fair contest and there will be a big ribbon pinned to my plate. Until then, enjoy these recipes and get yourself to your local fair.

Ribbon -Worthy Apriberry Muffins

4 apricots, peeled, pitted, and chopped

1 cup fresh blueberries

1 teaspoon lemon juice

1 cup white flour

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 cup sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

6 tablespoons butter, melted

1/2 cup soy milk

1 tablespoon ground flaxseed

3 tablespoons warm water

Toss the apricots and blueberries with the lemon juice and set aside.

Mix the flaxseed and warm water in a large bowl and set aside.

Combine all the dry ingredients in a large bowl.

Add the milk and butter to the flax seeds and mix well.

Add the wet to the dry and mix then fold in the fruit.

Spoon into a greased muffin tin and bake for 20-25 minutes at 375 degrees.

Let cool in the pan for a few minutes then remove to a wire rack. Sprinkle the tops with a little cinnamon sugar and enjoy.

Oat-Plum Upside-Down Tartlets

In a blender, puree enough plums (skins on) to make about 1 1/2 cups.

Mix 1 tablespoon of ground flaxseed with 3 tablespoons warm water and set aside.

Cream (a hand-held mixer makes this easier) 1 softened stick of vegan margarine with 1 cup of brown sugar.

Add 1 cup of the pureed plums and the flax mixture to the butter and sugar and blend well.

Stir in 1 teaspoon each salt, vanilla, and cinnamon.

Add 1 1/2 cups old fashioned oats and stir until just moistened.

Place a few pecan halves in the bottom of a Pam-greased muffin tin.

Spoon the oat mixture over the pecans until the cups are 3/4 full.

Bake at 350 degrees for 22 minutes.

While the muffins are baking, mix the rest of plum puree with powder sugar until it reaches a thin, frosting-like consistency.

When the muffins are done, invert them onto a rack while still hot.

Cool for about 5 minutes then spoon enough frosting onto the muffins so some drizzles down the sides.

Serve warm with a big scoop of vanilla rice dream. Or cooled down (they get pretty cripsy) with a big glass of soy milk.